It’s late when I finally get off work. I consider calling Lawson, but I don’t even know if he’ll still be up. I put fifteen solid hours on the soles of my shoes, and I can feel every single one of them. Is this what my life is going to be like now? Working sunup to sundown just to afford a place to live. Slaving away at a restaurant, hoping that the customers will like me enough to leave a nice tip. There’s no upside to this. It’s just a steady grind to make ends meet. It’s what everyone does. I just didn’t have the common sense to appreciate how good it was to have a roof over my head and a mom who was letting me constantly test her patience.
I walk into my house and stare at the kitchen for a moment. There are no leftovers waiting on me. My mom always leaves a plate out, no matter how late I get home. I walk to the fridge and open it to grab a drink. It looks like my mom went shopping today. She didn’t buy a single thing that she normally gets for me. Damn. She really has washed her hands of me. I guess I can’t blame her.
My mom doesn’t say a word to me when I walk past the living room. No hello. No questions about my day. Not even a glance in my direction. She’s proving a point, and I sure as hell get it; I just don’t know how to move past this. Tough love. It was only a matter of time before she gave up on me too.
“Fuck my life…” I sigh and close my door.
I wonder how many times I’ll get to do that before she sets a deadline and tells me to get out. We didn’t get that far. She’ll have to speak to me again in order to do that, at least.
I curl up in bed and reach for the teddy bear that has sat on the shelf above my bed since I was too old to sleep with it. I curl up with it like I used to do when I was a little girl and start looking at my phone. I end up on Facebook, staring at all the happy people living their happy lives. The guys and girls I went to school with—most of them are in college now. The few that didn’t had a reason not to go. Even they are better off than I am right now. A few of them have kids. Some of them are married and expecting. The one thing I notice is that nobody else seems to be stuck in a rut like I am. Except Sarah. That’s the only person I can compare myself to.
I don’t know if she mentally senses that I’m staring at her Facebook page, or just saw me online, because after I scroll through a few photos, I get a message from her.
Sarah: Hey, girl.
Ainsley: Hey.
Sarah: I’m really sorry. I’m such a shitty friend.
Ainsley: Yes, you are.
Sarah: I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid if I came back, we’d both get arrested. Someone had to post bail…
Ainsley: Would you have even done that? You were fucking asleep when I got to the room.
Sarah: I tried to stay up! I swear I did!
Ainsley: It’s fine. I’m not angry anymore. I have bigger problems than that anyway.
Sarah: What happened?
I stare at Sarah’s message for a couple minutes without responding. She sends a few question marks when she doesn’t get a reply. I was furious with her after she abandoned me, and more so when I saw that she went back to the hotel room like I wasn’t stuck in an office building with a stranger. I’d like to believe I wouldn’t have done the same thing, but considering how many horrible choices I’ve made lately, it’s hard to believe I’m any better than her.
Ainsley: My mom decided to kick me out.
Sarah: What? Seriously? No fucking way!
Ainsley: Yep.
Sarah: I’m sorry! What did you do this time!?!
Ainsley: I didn’t tell her I was staying in the city. Just that I was going to the party. Then I didn’t make it home until yesterday, so you can imagine how that went…
Sarah: Hold on. What do you mean you didn’t make it home until yesterday???
Once again, I stare at her message. Should I tell her? It isn't like I can tell anyone else. Not even my mom. I know she would probably judge me for the age difference and everything, but I’d still tell her under normal circumstances. One more bad decision for her to hold against me the next time she’s angry. Then again, there may not be a next time. Screw it.
Ainsley: After Lawson caught us trashing his office, I stayed behind and helped him clean everything up. It was the only way to keep him from calling the cops.
Sarah: Oh shit! What an asshole…
Ainsley: He’s not an asshole, Sarah. Far from it.
Sarah: You helped him clean up his office, and now you two are best friends? You don’t know him. Trust me.
Ainsley: I think I know him better than you do. That’s why I didn’t make it home until yesterday. ;)
Sarah: Wait a minute…