Fuck. My. Life.
He asked for my real name once and I refused to give it to him. Now he has it. I stare at him for a moment before a loud, boisterous laugh across the room startles me.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," I say automatically, returning his shake. "Natalie's told me so much about you guys."
I really don't even know how to act in this moment, so I go with the basics.
James chuckles, and it ignites all the nerve endings in my body. A flush works itself through me.
"I'm sure nothing good," he jokes, but I know he's being serious.
"Oh, I'm sure it was all pleasant," Katherine says sweetly, patting her husband's chest. "Aubrey, that's a beautiful dress."
I glance down, and then want to fall into a dark hole and never be found. It's the same dress I wore when I met James, the one he loved so much. The one I was wearing when he bought a five-hundred-dollar bottle of cognac and sucked my nipples as I rocked against his lap, feeling his dick.
God, if you're real, please strike me dead now.
"Thank you," is all I say, tight-lipped. I shoot a fleeting glance at James, but he's already watching me. My cheeks bloom with heat because I know he remembers it too.
"So, you attend Fordham with my daughter?" he asks, eyes telling me he's purposely probing. He's smug that he can ask but he's disguising it well. James sips his amber liquid and I can't help but stare at his lips. "What are you majoring in?"
Another piece of information I’d once refused to give him. I reach for my glass and take a deep sip.
"I do,” I say, answering his first question. “We've been roommates since freshman year and have gotten along famously since." I look at Natalie, scrunching my nose, and she smiles. "I'm majoring in developmental sociology."
"Oh, that's an interesting major," Katherine says. "What will you do with it?"
I hesitate, unsure if I’m ready to share my plans for the nonprofit shelter. "I'm undecided."
James isn’t willing to let that slide. "You have to have an idea."
"She's undecided, Dad," Natalie repeats, the frustration in her voice clear.
I eye her, letting her know it's okay. "I've considered law school, but I'm thinking of starting a nonprofit organization for women and children." I pause. "Lawyers, as you know, are money-thieving liars. I'm not sure I have that in me."
Katherine pales, her jaw dropping in horror, but both Natalie and James laugh.
Looking at her mom, I say, "I apologize. Sometimes my humor isn't appropriate. Natalie told me her father is an attorney." Her mom looks a little more relaxed now and places her hand along her neck. "I really am considering the nonprofit organization, though."
"That's very admirable of you," James says. Something tells me he's not just saying it, but that he actually means it. I let it roll off my shoulders and remind myself that this is all just a game to him.
"Thank you." I look at Katherine. It's too difficult to make eye contact with James. It makes me feel like everyone would know what’s between us just by looking at how we look at each other. "It's astounding, the resemblance between you and Natalie," I say to her mother, trying to change the subject.
Katherine smiles proudly
at her daughter. "Since the day she was born."
"Everyone thinks we're sisters when we're together," Natalie says cheerfully.
"You guys could definitely pass as them, that's for sure."
"What kind of nonprofit were you considering?" James asks, unrelenting in his effort to reveal all my secrets, and I want to murder him.
Before I can think of a reply, Katherine intervenes. "Will you excuse me? I need to use the ladies’ room before we’re seated for dinner. Aubrey, it's so great to finally meet you and I hope to see more of you soon."
I respond with a faux smile, my stomach twisting in knots of guilt. I never want to see her again. I hope I never have to. All I can think about is the fact that I've sucked her husband's dick twice and orgasmed on his tongue, and how he watched and directed me to fuck his friend.
Shame fills every ounce of my body and I suddenly feel nauseous. This is bad. This is really bad. My lungs are constricting. I need to get out of here and get fresh air, but I can't excuse myself just yet.