“It doesn’t affect you, Nathan.” My eyes hold his. “It changes everything for me.”
“Why?”
“Because my Nathan…” I point to my chest with force. “My best friend, Nathan, would never deceive me. He would talk to me and tell me all about it. He would point the girl out to me and discuss it openly. He would have nothing to hide.” I shake my head. “I don’t even know who you are as a lover.”
His face falls.
“What else haven’t you told me?”
“Nothing.”
I stare at him, his silhouette blurred through tears. “I wish I believed you.”
He reaches for me. “Baby, don’t.” He pulls me into his arms and holds me tight against my will. I struggle to pull out of his arms.
“You being with her doesn’t make me feel insecure, Nathan. Lying to me about the reason you did it, does.”
He stares at me, clearly lost for words.
I walk past him and go into the bathroom where I lock the door. The lump in my throat hurts as I try to hold it together. I just want to howl to the moon.
I tear my dress off, and through tears, I wrangle myself out of this dumb corset. And to think I’ve been hanging off his every word tonight, and all the while, he was probably making eye contact across the room with her. Their dirty little secret.
I feel so stupid.
I was so swept away with his admission of love in the beginning. I knew that he went to her, and I knew I didn’t like it back then, but to know it was with a friend of his—someone he talks to regularly, and a colleague he respects. Someone he sees every day at work. Another female friend.
He would care about her, just like he does me……Oh, this hurts.
I get under the hot water and let myself go, I screw up my face in pain as the tears roll down my face.
Betrayal tastes bitter…especially when you don’t expect it.
That was the last thing I expected to come out of tonight…. but I guess, at least now I know.
I get out of the shower an hour later. I sit on the floor and cry like a baby for way too long. I’m being over dramatic, I know, but I can’t seem to stop myself. I wrap my hair in a towel and put my nightdress on. I brush my teeth and make my way into the bedroom.
Nathan’s bedside lamp is on, and he lies on his back in the semi darkness, wide awake and waiting for me. His fingers are linked on his chest.
I get into bed and turn my back on him.
He snuggles up close to me and takes me in his arms. “I love you,” he whispers against my temple. “You know that, don’t you?”
I don’t answer him as I stare at a wall. I don’t have any fight left in me. I’m too tired. I don’t want to think about this shit any more.
And with Nathan clinging to me for dear life, I close my eyes and let myself drift off into sleep as the sad realization sets in: the man I love isn’t who I thought he was.
He thinks like a man.
* * *
I wake to the gentle dusting of kisses over my shoulder. My heavy eyelids flutter as they battle waking up.
“Hi.” Nathan says softly. He kisses my shoulder again.
“Hi.” I sigh, disappointed that I didn’t have a bad dream last night. It was real. I roll over to face him.
An over dramatic reaction, but a real one, just the same.