I stab the whole patty with a fork and bring it to my mouth to obnoxiously chew bits off. Pappy S doesn’t care, but of course he doesn’t. He never did give me any satisfaction by letting me prove a point I shouldn’t be trying to prove because part of me knows I’m not in the right here. He is. Part of me knows that what he’s giving me is good, solid, sound advice, but the other part just wants to throw a tantrum and act like a kid who got spanked for no good reason.
Which I guess is what Pappy S is saying about Wilder, though I’m not sure I share the sentiment or his faith in a guy he hardly knows. I know Pappy S did this for me because he’s worried about me, and he loves me like crazy, but it doesn’t mean I trust Wilder. It also doesn’t mean I can just fall into Pappy S’s advice about life and love like that.
Sometimes the fire hurts more than anyone could possibly bear.
CHAPTER 20
Wilder
I’m in for it. As soon as Esme walks into the living room where I’m watching sports highlights with Connie on my lap, one cat curled on my chest, and three others on the couch beside me, I know Esme knows everything or at least something more than what she knew when she left this afternoon. She looks slightly wild, slightly out of breath, half pissed, half impressed, and very confused, and all of it is conveyed in a single look at me as she walks straight in front of the TV and crosses her arms. I know she was just with Silas for dinner, so it’s not a far stretch to imagine that she either finally got the entire truth from him, or he was willing to just give it up.
“Why does Pappy S think you’re alright with urine?”
“Jesus.” I sit up straight but keep a hand on Connie so that she doesn’t go sliding off me like one of those badass slides that shoot you ten feet off the edge when you’re a kid, scaring the living bejesus out of you. “Don’t ask about that. It’s an inside joke.”
“Weird.” Esme’s expression is an impossible mix of everything I really don’t want to see. I don’t know if I should read it or just wait for her to spill because it’s pretty clear she’s going for it. “I…I talked to Pappy S. When I found out why you were really here, all of it, I was pretty grouchy about it because it made me feel like I’d been lied to. Again. I know you didn’t mean to, and Pappy S did tell me that he told you not to say anything. Regardless, he would have likely changed his mind about that when we knew each other better since I would have been more understanding.”
My heart leaps straight into my throat then promptly stops beating. “That’s exactly what I was going for.”
“When you agreed to this, you didn’t have any good intentions. Well, to be fair, I guess maybe no bad ones either as you were just following an agreement. But I would never have done it because I couldn’t do that to someone. I couldn’t do that at all. Not for anything. I don’t really understand why you’d want this tiny toy car so bad that you’d do something like this and then agree to take care of me on top of it.”
“I—”
“Actually, don’t explain that. I guess we all have our reasons, and just because I don’t understand doesn’t mean I blame you or anything. In fact, it’s the opposite. I think it’s pretty commendable to take something like that on—this big unknown. Agreeing to take care of someone you don’t even know is a whole heck of a lot, and the offer doesn’t exactly have an expiry date. I don’t really think my great-grandpa was fair to ask you to do that. I now realize you might have the means to do it, and my Pappy S doesn’t trust many people, but he trusts you. Your word was enough for him.”
“Esme…”
Before I can say anything else, Esme sighs and continues, “Honestly, I was mad, but I’m not really mad anymore, even though I realize I probably should be. I should feel kind of betrayed, like you and my great-grandpa schemed behind my back, but I know that’s not really what happened. I don’t think you had bad intentions. I’m even going to choose to believe that what we did…um…together physically happened naturally, and it meant something. I think you would look out for me for a very long time even if I told you I was going to kick you the heck out of this house while raging around like a giant rage monster. I went back and forth on this matter a thousand times in my head, and in the end, I circled the block like eighty-five times before I decided to come in. Pappy S made sure I ate something, so that helped with the thinking. My brain had some food to burn, so the rage wasn’t so fast-acting. In fact, it never really hit at all.”