“I’m sorry, Esme. I truly am. I told you as much as I could, and I was trying to wait for the right time to tell you the rest. I didn’t want you to think that what happened between us happened because I had an agenda or because I thought this was a good way to take care of you. That never once crossed my mind.”
“I know,” Esme says evenly.
I breathe a sigh of relief as I fully expected this to be a blowout. Like five or six rounds. I didn’t think she’d lose her mind, but I thought she’d be pissed and triggered by what happened to her in the past. I thought this would be the final nail in her trying to trust people and give them another chance and a fair shake coffin. But maybe it is because her face has this deadly calm. It’s like the calm before the storm that takes you right the fuck out.
“This is what I thought about when I was driving over and when I kept circling the block like an ultra-creep. When the neighbors kept giving me the stink eye, trying to figure out what the heck I was doing, I thought about Pappy S’s bargain. I also thought about you and how I feel right now. How…what…well, about us. I thought about all of it and how unexpected it all was. Not just you moving in here, or me getting another roommate, because that wasn’t entirely unexpected, but for this, all of this. And everything that came after. I know it wasn’t planned, and I know you know that. But now that I know all of this, I don’t want to say I can’t do this. It’s not that I’m mad, and it’s not about what happened before. It’s not…I don’t know. I just know I’m going to tell you that you don’t have to go through with what Pappy S wanted you to do. I’m telling you that you don’t have to keep your promise. Actually, I don’t want you to keep that promise because I can look after myself. I also don’t want to use you for money or things as it would be totally taking advantage of you, and I just couldn’t do that.”
The lump in my throat is now the size of a big, old, dirty fist, and it seems like swallowing it down would be totally unthinkable. I keep trying, and my throat keeps bobbing, but nothing much happens. I long to say something to get Esme off the course she’s on because this is no less terrible than her calling me a lying piece of poo and booting my arse straight out the door, but no words escape my parched mouth.
“I know you’re going to protest, and if it is about the car, I’ll make sure Pappy S still gives it to you. We don’t have to tell him even though I think it would be better if you moved out. You have a life back home—family, sisters, a business. Yet you did this for him, me, and the car. I can lie until I can’t anymore, and then I’ll explain everything after you have the car, hopefully. Pappy S loves me, so he’ll understand.”
“I can’t do that,” I choke out in some horribly garbled speech. “I can’t just walk away.”
“We’re not that invested,” Esme protests, but it’s half-hearted.
Thank god, because that would be a pretty big blow, and I’m not talking about my ego here. I’m talking about my heart.
“You don’t have to know someone for years for it to mean something. And it does to me. I don’t want to break my promise because it isn’t about the car anymore. That’s what I wanted to tell you when I planned out how I’d tell you. I thought this would be a disaster, and I legit thought Silas was out of his mind. I mean, not literally since I could tell he’s sharp as a tack, but I couldn’t believe what he was asking. I thought you’d never warm up to me and that I’d spend the rest of my life trying to get so much as a smile from you.”
“I would have smiled at you right off the bat if you’d have petted Hector. I would have liked you then.”
I let out a shudder. My skin crawls, and my balls draw up at the mere thought.
“Well, if that’s what it would take for you to believe that I’m not ever going to drop it—my promise, what we have, and you. I’m not running, I’m not going to leave you, and I’m not going out the door like the last assholes you had experience with. Yes, I did lie to you for the sake of what your great-grandfather said, and I did tell you only half of what I should have, but I wasn’t trying to hurt you. Honestly, I was trying to do the exact opposite. I really don’t care that we don’t know each other very well because how else do people become old loves and old married couples who drive each other nuts and all that if they don’t keep getting to know each other?”