“Luke’s not givin’ ya much space these days, is he?” Carly says, startling me from my lulled state.
“I’m shocked he ain’t lurking about the salon somewhere, or peeking through the window checking on me.” I laugh, rolling my suddenly heavy eyes.
“Yeah, he’s a bit over protective of the ones he loves. That’s just Luke.”
“Please don’t say that, Carly.” The mood between us shifts from light airy conversation to a thick lingering tension. She knows how Luke and I feel about each other, only Luke is being completely open and honest about his feelings, while I’m pretending mine are non-existent. So I believe Carly has taken it upon herself to persuade me in Luke’s direction.
“Savannah, just tell me what you’re so scared of. Luke is a good man. He has done everything he can to show you how dedicated he is to you.” She says quietly, resting her arm upon mine.
“Carly, please. I deal with all of this shit day in, day out. One day. That’s all I’m begging you for is one day that I can set my mind at ease, enjoying a few hours of soothing relaxation without allowing everything else to overshadow this little bit of rest.” I beg, frustration breaking through my voice. Carly sighs in defeat, changing the topic to mindless chatter.
After we’ve been pampered and primped to the nines, we make our way home to our ordinary lives as mommas. “This was fun, Savannah. Thanks for coming with me.” Carly says, keeping her focus on the winding road.
“I had a good time, and my hair thanks you for it. It was in desperate need of some TLC.” I reply, checking my phone for any missed calls or text messages. Looking up, I notice we’re headed in the opposite direction. My brow quirks up in confusion and I glance over at Carly who’s focus never veers from the road, yet she’s chewing on her lip fiercely. “Are we makin’ our great escape?” I kid, trying to break the quiet tension that fills the air.
“Oh, I was gonna stop by your house real quick. I think I may have left my favorite grey sweater in the closet when I moved, so I just want to check.”
Unlocking the front door, Carly steps in behind me, making her way upstairs to her old bedroom. I carry the mail into the kitchen, placing it in the Longaberger basket then grab a bottle of water from the fridge. Minutes later Carly pads back down the stairs. Finding me in the kitchen she helps herself to a glass of sweet tea from the fridge then plants her ass on the counter. “No luck?” I ask.
“Nope, I’ve probably overlooked it.” Carly shrugs casually.
“Well let’s get back to your house. I’m sure Colton and Luke are tuggin’ their hair loose dealin’ with the kids. Can you imagine the mess we’re bound to walk into?” I reply with a laugh. The image of Colton and Luke gagged and tied to chairs flashes before my eyes as Heidi Jo, Braden and Brailee filter into the vision, snickering wildly-amused over their triumphant takeover of the two huge, yet weak minded men. Yep, we better save these suckers.
“Oh, they’re fine. I called and checked in on them while I was upstairs. Colton said they’d be firin’ up the grill in about an hour, so that gives us a little time to chat.” She grins wickedly.
Damn it, I knew she wasn’t upstairs lookin’ for a frickin’ sweater. Huffing loudly, I grab my water and stomp off to the living room.
“You’re hilarious, Savannah. You think leavin’ the room is gonna end your problems?” Carly laughs as she falls back in the recliner. “Come on, Sis, let’s talk it out…wh
at has you runnin’ in the opposite direction of Luke?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps the fact that I’m still legally married to that bastard, Josh. ‘Member him? Yeah, he’s the one who nearly beat us both into oblivion.” I snap back at her.
“Savannah, you won’t be married forever, sweets.”
“At this point, I’m not so sure.” I roll my eyes, begging the tears to keep at bay. “Besides, I do have some trust issues I need to work through before I decide to open myself up to any man.”
“Trust? Savannah how much more trust do you need with Luke? He rescued you when Josh nearly killed us both. He sat vigil by you from the moment he found you until you ran him off, then he still found himself returning to the swing just to be close to you. Hell, he stays in your home now. What would change exactly?”
Yeah, sweets, what?
Damn, she’s got me there.
A million different things. Some things that I’m really not comfortable voicing to Carly, because they’re just too personal.
How the hell do you plan to heal these wounds if you don’t let all this anguish out?
Damn my conscience has a sharp tongue, and sadly it’s usually right. I curl up in the corner of the couch, getting comfortable before getting into all this shit with her.
“Carly, you have no idea the abuse I suffered at Josh’s hand. It went further than just slappin’ me around or calling me names. Josh evoked a fear in me that I just can’t seem to overcome. The control he held over me, I don’t think it will ever vanish.”
“And that’s what Luke’s fought so hard to protect you from! Savannah don’t you see it?”
“I know that Luke would never harm me the way Josh did, but it’s hard to let him in right now. I feel like I have to guard myself just to be safe.”
“How do you know if you don’t give him a chance? You said it yourself that he would never hurt you. You don’t make much sense.” Carly’s voice raises as she prepares her argument.
“You wouldn’t understand, Carly. You’ve never abused like this. You’ve never been raped!” I yell it out without even realizing it. That’s the darkest secret I carry with me and I never intended to voice it. I hang my head appallingly, pushing back the tears. Don’t you dare cry another damn tear over that bastard!