She hugged herself and stepped away, moving toward the pond. The afternoon sun spread its warm light on the rippling water, mimicking the shimmering in Kitty’s tear-filled gaze.
“I... I cannot tell you.”
“Why?” Nathaniel stepped beside her, his stomach twisting. “Why, Kitty? Only an hour ago you were ready to share your burden, and now you will not? I don’t understan
d it!”
A hard breath escaped her lips when she looked away.
His patience teetered on a thin wire. “What’s happened to you? To us? Were we not friends, Kitty? Were we not the most open and jovial of people? And here you are pulling away from me as if I were some kind of stranger. Tell me, are we friends no longer?”
His words found their mark and she snapped her head in his direction. Her tiny nostrils flared and the delicate muscles in her neck corded.
“Friends?” An uncharacteristic sarcasm laced her thick tone. “Do not talk to me about friendship. You kiss me, tease me, flirt as if it is the most natural thing in the world, and yet in the next moment you claim a mere friendship exists between us. And that, Dr. Smith, is not something I can endure.”
He leaned into his words until his face was only a few inches from hers. “How can I allow myself to get close to you when I know you are keeping something from me—from all of us.”
Her eyes sparked with pain, turning her light eyes inky-blue. “Why are my affairs any concern of yours?”
“Because I care about you, Kitty. How many times must I say it?”
“Aye.” She straightened her posture and lifted her chin. “You care about me as much as you care about the other Tories in this town, which is frighteningly little. Because I haven’t yet embraced the idea of liberty, you choose to view me as less than worthy.”
Her words burned like a white-hot iron. He held his jaw rigid. “You know that isn’t true.”
“Is it not? I’ve seen the affection in your eyes, but you evade the inconvenient declaration of love because it spoils your perfect future.”
He yanked her forward. “Kitty, that is unfair. You know I care about you more than anyone. Ever since I met you I haven’t been able to think about anyone else.”
“Can you admit we are more than friends, Nathaniel? Can you say that you love me?” Kitty’s large eyes blinked. “I know you cannot.”
Nathaniel’s tongue welded to the roof of his mouth and his voice went mute. Time slowed and he willed his jaw to open and the words to float to her ears.
They would not.
Slamming his eyes shut, he strangled a groan. The woman he held in his grasp brought a joy to his life he’d never known. He would die for Kitty. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to say the words she yearned to hear. Loving a Tory meant despising the cause of liberty that he cherished. A new kind of pain slashed across his heart. If only she would see that freedom was everything.
His gaze twined with hers, and slowly her features dropped as his silence answered clearly what he could not speak.
She pressed her full lips into a thin line and jerked from his hold. The hurt in her face cut across Nathaniel’s chest like a freshly sharpened weapon. “I knew it.”
He pried his tongue from its holding place and forced his voice into submission. “’Tis not what it seems.”
“Your silence says otherwise.”
“Kitty, do you not see? You care nothing for the very thing I value more than my own life.”
She stared. “And what is that?”
“Freedom.”
Kitty swallowed, pulling her arms tighter around her chest. “Freedom? What is freedom, Nathaniel?”
“What can I say about something so precious?” He gazed over the pond for a moment before twining his gaze with hers. “There is nothing more crucial, nothing more worthy of sacrifice, Kitty. Freedom is happiness. It is pursuing your dreams. It is liberty to worship and work and find joy as it pleases you. Freedom is striving and failing as many times as required before you finally strive and succeed. Kitty, freedom—liberty—is where you will find the Spirit of the Lord. It is life.”
The quiet sounds of nature droned around them. Kitty’s tight features relaxed as her eyes searched his face. She blinked and slowly her delicate brows folded together and she looked away.
He moved toward her, anguishing to pull her near. “Kitty you must believe me when I say my feelings for you are—”