“About what I do? No. I have bad days, of course, but I love it. I wake up every day still eager about the law and being a lawyer.”
And I didn’t.
Why did I keep doing it? Especially when it wasn’t a necessity for me.
Maybe the bigger question was, did I plan to do anything about it?
“Listen, Christopher, I want to talk to you about something.” I took a deep breath and trusted my gut.
Chapter Sixteen
Darren
Our game had been in Chicago, and yeah, we’d fucking demolished them. Whatever magic we’d started the season with was still in play, and I was thankful as hell every day.
We were undefeated. There hadn’t been a pass I couldn’t make. Every time Anson and I made eye contact on the field, when he gave me that little head nod that said, We got this, I knew nothing could stop us.
And the whole time I’d been thinking about the fact that Jeremy was there watching me. Yeah, he’d seen me play before, but this was the first time he had since…we started having orgasms together? Admitted we had feelings for each other? I was still unsure about how to label us, and then I’d get pissed at myself because why the fuck did I need a label so badly?
I cared about him. We were either in, or working toward, being in a relationship together. That was all that mattered. But now I was in the hotel room with Anson, dead on my feet while also eager as fuck to go see my…fuck, my man. Well, not fuck my man. Not that I didn’t want to, because I did, but yeah, mostly it had just thrown me a little to think of someone as my man.
The other thing that threw me? I was nervous. I didn’t need to be, not with him, but everything would go so fast when we saw each other. Once I’d talked to my mom and decided I was all in, I hadn’t had much time to think about anything.
Anson sat on the bed, messing around on his phone. Without looking up at me, he said, “You going out? You haven’t done that in a while.”
No. No I hadn’t, because I hadn’t wanted anyone except Jeremy. Instead of answering with a yes or no, I said, “Tell me about gay sex.”
Anson’s head shot up, his eyebrows nearly at his hairline. “What? Why? What the fuck, Edwards!”
I hadn’t told him about me and Jeremy, and that felt…wrong. Like I was ashamed of him, and I wasn’t. I knew Jeremy hadn’t mentioned it to West because he was waiting for me. That was the kind of guy he was.
I sighed, walked over, and sat on my bed. “Jeremy’s here. He came to the game, and I’m going to meet him. Neither of us is fucking stupid, and I know you realized something’s up, so can we skip that part and talk about sex?”
He sputtered, then kicked his legs over the bed so he was facing me. “I’m not sure we can. I can’t believe you’re asking me this.”
“You know me. I’m not embarrassed about sex.”
“Yeah, but I’m shocked at the whole you-wanting-to-have-sex-with-a-guy thing. You’re bi?”
That was the difficult part. I didn’t know how to answer him. “I guess I’m something. I haven’t figured it out yet. I just know I want him, and that it’s different. It’s not just about sex. I mean, clearly, I want to fuck him since I’m asking you about it, but…it’s emotional stuff. I’ve never felt this way. I’ve never wanted anything more than a physical relationship with anyone. Honestly, I didn’t think I was built for it. It wasn’t something I tried not to do. I just didn’t. It was like that part of me was broken, and then, suddenly, something about him is different.”
Anson stared at me, slack-jawed.
“Can we speed this up? I’m not going to have much time with him.”
“Jesus, you wait until you’re going to meet him to throw this at me. You could have given me more warning, but…about the emotional stuff. Just because you haven’t met the right person doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Even if you never did or you didn’t work that way, it doesn’t mean you’re wrong. And have you considered you might be demiromantic?”
“You mentioned that to me before, but I feel sexual attraction all the time. Ever since I was eighteen, all I wanted to do was fuck, so needing an emotional connection for it doesn’t make sense.”
“No, that’s demisexual. I’m talking demiromantic. Think the same thing except instead of needing an emotional bond or connection to be sexually attracted to someone, you need the bond for the romantic part.”
Well, shit. I hadn’t known that was a thing either. Maybe I should have done some research. “You’re just a wealth of knowledge, aren’t you?”