“Why is this so hard?”
“Men always are,” she said. “What you need to worry about now is you. Getting that degree you’re so excited about and keeping safe.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“What do your parents say about all this?”
“My parents aren’t really around. Well, my dad lives here in Denver, but we don’t talk. Actually, he wants nothing to do with me.”
“Why? Cal mentioned your step-brother being a piece of work who was vicious to you as a child, but surely your father—”
“My dad hasn’t really ever backed me since he married Anita. Even now, he treats Brock more like his kid than me. Which is fine. I learned my lesson.”
“It’s not fine,” Bea said softly. “I’m sorry you’ve had such disappointment in your life. But your parent is supposed to be the one person you can count on.”
“Maybe that’s why I connected with Cal and Jack the way I did.”
Bea nodded. “Yes, they’ve had their share of disappointment.”
“Cal told me some…” I said slowly.
“Both the boys had a tough time. Cal, for a few years, didn’t talk. Kept to himself. Finally started to open up when he was eight. Staying with his mother like he did hurt him in a way that worries me to this day.” She shook her head. “I hate my sister so much for leaving him like that. Somewhere deep down, I think he still blames himself. Like he could have saved her.”
Tears flooded my eyes. I couldn’t imagine Cal as a young child staying with his dead mother, trying to take care of her, only for her to never wake up.
“You’ve taken such good care of him,” I told Bea.
“No, honey, you take care of him. He’s been outrunning bad memories for a long time. But, you came along, and I’ve never seen him act like this before. Part of me thought he was running into a fire just to feel himself burn, but you’ve brought him back.”
It all made sense. Why he was so protective. Why he was scared when I was in danger. He needed control in his own way. Only his way was living fast and hard on the edge, and once his feet stopped moving, the stillness and reality of what could go wrong scared him.
“Jackie helped so much. They became fast friends when Jack and his dad moved across the street. Jack was here more than his own home.”
I nodded. “Jack told me once that Cal saved him from hurting his dad?”
Bea nodded. “They were teenagers. One night, that horrible man was beating up on Jackie, and I started to go over, but Cal stopped me and went himself. Only, he got there and found Jack was the one beating his father. He’d fought back, and Cal pulled him off before…”
I knew the rest, but poor Bea couldn’t say it. Jack had almost beat his father to death. I remembered the look in his dark eyes when he’d told me. Told me how he didn’t understand love without some kind of pain. He owed Cal his whole life because, if his father had died, Jack would have been lost.
“They really are brothers,” I whispered. They had been through so much together. “I’m so glad they have you.”
Bea smiled. “I’m glad they have you too, honey.”
I wanted to say that they didn’t have me. Cal did. But I didn’t want to ruin her moment. She was like their mother and loved them, and I didn’t want to ruin that.
“There’s something special about you,” Bea said. “Anyone who can’t see it is blind or stupid.”
She was so warm and kind and…motherly. Something in my chest that I didn’t know was missing started filling the day I met Bea. Something like a sense of family and having a parent in your corner.
She wasn’t my parent. I knew that. But mine didn’t give a shit, and there was something so magnetic about her that made me just wanted to be a part of this family unit so badly. She loved Jack and Cal, defended them and took care of them. What that must feel like to have someone care for you in that way. The way a parent probably should.
“Thank you so much,” I said.
One tear managed to escape.
Chapter 21
“Okee-dokie, Miss Case, let’s get this proposal to the thesis board,” Mr. Walker said, while chewing on a bagel. His office was dark, no window, and cluttered in a way that made me itch to call Hoarders to come in and do a TV special. But he was nice and competent. He was also brilliant in his scattered ways.