I sit back as Sarah’s tears continue to fall.
“Get back to training. Susannah, on your back. Delilah, you are in control of her breath.” The Spinner doesn’t bother Sarah, just leaves her where she fell. The Cloister is full of little blessings.
Adam bursts into my room like a tornado. I jump and slide to the floor, pulling my dress off as I go. He strides to me, yanks me up, and throws me on the bed, then crawls on top of me. Burying his face in my hair, he inhales and wraps his arms around my back.
I can barely breathe, but I’m afraid to move. “Rough day at the office?” I eek out.
He laughs low in his throat. “You could say that.” He nuzzles my neck. “How about you? Any good training today?”
“I almost got choked out again, so yeah.”
He pulls back and peers at my throat. The spots where Sarah pressed too hard are swollen, but otherwise none the worse for wear.
“She didn’t do it right.” He draws his tongue along one of the sensitive areas.
“I know. I think…” I gasp as he fastens his lips to the tender spot just beneath my ear. “I think something happened to her. And she’s, I don’t know, not thinking straight.”
“Sarah?” He nibbles my ear.
“How did you know?”
“Wild guess.”
“Why does she have the red cross on her dress now?”
“Didn’t we already discuss that questions aren’t allowed?” He kisses down my chest.
“I just thought—”
“Don’t think. Not right now.”
“Hey.” I grab his shoulders. The starvation and the drugs and the utter desolation of this place well up inside me, blotting out my mission and my reason and forcing a raw scream from my throat. “Hey! You can’t just come in here and treat me like a fuck toy.” I try to wriggle out from under him, but he grabs a handful of my hair.
“Do we need to go over who’s in charge here again?” He leans down and bites my nipple until I cry out. “Because I’m more than happy to teach that lesson as many times as needed for you to get it. You are my fuck toy, and I’ll use you whenever I want you.”
“Stop!” I grip his hair and yank.
He growls and snatches my hand away, some of his hair still in my palm. Crawling up my body, he pins my hands over my head.
His dark eyes are cold waters, a monster lurking in their depths. “Why do you beg for punishment?”
“I don’t. I want answers.”
“What you want doesn’t matter and never will.”
I seethe and try to free my wrists, but his grip is as sure as iron manacles, and just as harsh. “Fuck you!” I yell in his face, knowing that I’m making a mistake. But I can’t stop myself, not after what happened to Sarah, not after what happened to Georgia. I’ve gotten nowhere since I signed on for this madness. Any fleeting clue about Georgia disappears before I can even touch it, and now Sarah is being victimized right before my eyes, and there’s nothing I can do about it. But I can scream. “Get off me, you sick fuck!” I rage and buck, using every bit of strength I have to fight him. “I hate you!”
He curses, but keeps me locked down, his body too much for me, his strength far too enduring for me to overcome. When I’m spent and go still, he lets go of my wrists and sits at the edge of the bed, his back to me.
I’m breathing hard and my body is shaking from the exertion. What little food they gave me at dinner is already long gone. And beneath the physical, I’m tired. My heart and my mind are already fracturing. I came here to destroy this place, but it’s breaking me instead. Tears well, and I can’t stop them this time.
He sighs, the sound heavy. “She has the cross because she’s been claimed by the Prophet.” He shakes his head. “Fucked by the Prophet, in common terms. Now her Protector will be allowed to partake of her body in all ways. The cross on her dress simply signifies that she’s fair game, set apart, already sampled, no longer a virgin.”
Stunned silence. It’s like the Prophet read The Scarlet Letter and decided to put that puritanical bullshit into action.
I swallow hard. “Will that happen to me?”
“Yes.” He scrubs a hand down his face, and I realize he looks haggard. Days of unshaven growth, tousled hair even before I grabbed it. His shoulders are still broad and strong, but they slump slightly.
“When?”
“I don’t know. If he takes a Maiden this early, it’s for a punishment. Sarah—”
“Wouldn’t eat the poisoned food.” Her moment of defiance comes back to me with crystal clarity.
“Exactly.”
“But he’ll eventually—”
“Yes. The Prophet will take each Maiden’s virginity in due time.”