She pulled me into her arms and we hugged.
“I hurt him so badly, Carol. And if I could…” My voice trailed off as a sob ripped from my chest. “If I could just tell him how sorry I am. How blind I had been by thinking I was doing the right thing by leaving.”
Carol ran her hand gently up and down my back, then patted it a few times. It reminded me of what my mother used to do whenever I got hurt. It was her way of comforting me. “That’s why you need to go back, Abby. Hiding here in Boston is slowly tearing you apart. You have to tell him why you left. Even if your reasons now seem silly to you, at the time, they weren’t. He deserves to know, and you deserve to be able to move on.”
“Then what?” I whispered. “After I tell him...if he lets me tell him?”
She took in a long breath and slowly let it out. “Then you leave it in the hands of fate. He’s either going to forgive you or he’s not. But you’re never going to be able to escape the past unless you’re able to forgive yourself and tell him the truth. Tell him you still love him. Tell him the divorce was a mistake. Tell him you want him back.”
I dragged in a shaky breath. “I’ve been such a coward.”
“One step at a time, Abby. Take care of things here. Go back home. Get things settled with your folks, then talk to Bishop. If you can’t talk to him first, then talk to your friends. Arabella and Greer…right?”
I nodded. “I, um, I already put in my notice at the nursery, and it wasn’t hard to find someone to sublet my place for the next few months.”
“I bet the nursery will be sad to see you go.”
With a half shrug, I replied, “Maybe. I know they want me to be happy. The owners have been so good to me.”
The day I filed for divorce from Bishop, I’d left the lawyer’s office and had walked blindly around Boston. I’d eventually stumbled into a floral nursery. Pam had immediately noticed that I’d been crying. When I started to talk about the flowers, she began asking me questions. How did I know so much about flowers? Was I from Boston? When I told her I had just filed for a divorce, she asked if I wanted a job. I never looked back. I’d been working at Bakerton Nursery for nearly a year and a half, as well as part time at a local floral shop.
“I want you to be happy too,” Carol said, “and I think this is long overdue. You know I’ve never held back with you, Abby.”
Giving her a look that said no shit, I replied, “No, you have not.”
“Listen, I counsel couples all the time and see what they put each other through, thinking they’re saving each other from hurt. When you love someone so much, you want to protect them. You were afraid you’d hurt Bishop, and in your mind, the best thing you could do for him was to leave. Tell him that.”
All I could do was nod. Then the tears came again. “I just left him, Carol. I left him all alone to deal with the loss of our child. All because I was too afraid to be honest with him. To talk to him. To let him in and grieve with me. Too afraid to tell him I was terrified of trying for another baby. If I had only just been able to be honest… I wouldn’t be surprised if he closes the door in my face.”
She reached for my hand and squeezed it. “Give him time, Abby. Expect the anger, like I said. Let him be angry. Then, when he calms down, tell him everything you told me. He might get angry again, he might tell you it’s a little too late, or…he might forgive you. You’ll never know until you go to him.”
I let out a quick breath. “Are you sure you can’t take a few weeks’ vacation and come with me?”
Laughing, she shook her head and walked back to the kitchen. “I’m only a phone call away, and I’m here if you need me. Now, let me get this lasagna into the oven, and then you and I are going for a walk along the waterfront. If you’re leaving in a few days, I want to hit up that cupcake place and drown my sadness in chocolate buttercream.”
Two Weeks Later – The first week of November
The moment I drove past the sign that said, Welcome to Boggy Creek, population one thousand, six hundred and sixty-two, I pulled over onto the shoulder. I dropped my head onto the steering wheel and let out a long, painful groan. I had no freaking idea what to expect. Who would still be angry with me? Who would be happy to see me? Would anyone even notice I was back?