"Yes."
"But right now, you don't want to push me away, do you?"
I thought I was losing my ability to breathe. I couldn't even speak. Her fingers were over and under my breasts, her lips grazing my neck.
"You need to know what this feels like. You need to be prepared," she said. "Just relax. Try to enjoy the feelings. You do enjoy them, don't you?"
I still didn't speak. Confusion made me mute.
She moved so I would lie back again, and then she lifted her blouse, undid her own bra, and sat beside me again. I was unable to speak or take my eyes from her breasts. She lifted my hand and brought it to her breast, moving it over her nipple. My arm tightened. but I didn't pull my hand away.
She moaned. "See? See how this can be wonderful if the match is comfortable. You weren't comfortable with him."
I wanted to tell her that wasn't it. I wanted to tell her how I had relived Luke's attack on me and how that had most to do with it, but she was moving over me. kissing me where Luke had kissed me, until she was nearly down to the small of my stomach.
Her fingers moved over the sides of my hips and came around to touch me where, as she had said. only I had touched myself.
Just at that moment. the door opened. and Brenda stood there wavering.
I was positive that when someone was shot with a gun or a rifle, this was how they felt. The electric spike that went through my heart and into my spine made me gasp and cry out. Celia sat up. surprised. She saw where I was looking and turned to see Brenda
glaring at us. -."Oh," Celia said. "we were just...
"You don't have to tell me what you were
doing. Celia. I think I know what you're doing. You're
both... disgusting." She backed out, slamming the
door. I starred to cry immediately.
Celia rose quickly, put on her bra and her blouse, mumbling to me that I shouldn't worry. She
would explain everything.
"She's just still quite drunk." she added, and
left.
I lay there unable to move, my body feeling as
though it had liquefied into a pool of jelly. Until I sat
up, I didn't even realize how hard and fast my heart
was pounding. It was taking my breath away. I
actually thought I might have a heart attack or my
heart would just explode in my chest.
When I stood up, I was dizzy. so I had to sit
again and wait. Finally. I was able to go to the
bathroom and throw cold water on my face. I put on
my robe and opened the door just to look at the house.