ON SUNDAY morning, Ty comes to me with a request that catches me off guard. I know I should have been expecting it at some point, but when he asks, it throws me for a loop. I mean, with all that’s been going on as of late, I thought that we were miles away from here. And damn if it doesn’t sort of hurt.
“You what?” I say to him, disbelieving what I’d just heard.
He sighs and sits on the couch next to me. “You know how I don’t have school tomorrow because it’s a grading day for teachers?” I nod. I have to work later on today and was planning on taking Ty to Otter’s before I went.
“Well, my friend from school wants me to stay the night at his house tonight,” he says patiently, as if I’m the child and he’s the adult.
“Do you want to go?” I say slowly.
He sits back on our couch and scrunches his face. “I think I do,” he says finally. “But if I wanted to come home, would you come get me?” he adds quickly.
“Of course,” I say sullenly. “Either me or Otter, if I’m still at work.” I shake my head. “Who is this kid? How do you know him? Have I met him? Have I met his parents?”
He rolls his eyes. “Yes, Bear. I told you, he’s my friend from school. You met him and his parents at my birthday party. Remember Alex Herrera? His mom was the one who asked you where you got the jumping castle from because she wants one for his birthday next month. You said Alex was very polite.”
It’s funny, I know, but I haven’t had to face this yet. The Kid seemed content on not having sleepovers or play dates or anything like most normal kids do. Sure, he would go outside and play, but he never went over to someone else’s house. I begin to think that this is going to be much harder on me than it is on him. Have I really gotten so dependent on him? I think, bemused. I always thought it was the other way around. Do parents feel like this when their kid goes off for the first time like this? Jesus Christ, I need a life.
The next thing I know I’m on the phone with Mrs. Herrera, who’s telling me of course it’s okay that Ty is coming over, and how sweet and intelligent he is. She wonders out loud why the Kid and Alex have never had a slumber party before, and I tell her Ty doesn’t eat meat and that if he needs anything to just call me. Or Otter. Or Anna. Or Creed. Ty looks mortified as I make Mrs. Herrera recite the phone numbers back to me. She says that yes, she knows the number to Poison Control. No, they don’t have any big dogs. Yes, she knows not to let Ty go to the beach by himself. No, she’s quite sure that it’s not expected to rain, but she’ll keep him inside if it does. Yes, she’s positive I don’t need to pack any special vegetarian meals. She’s telling me that no, she doesn’t know CPR, and I’m about to tell her this is not a good night for this, maybe next time, when Ty kicks me in the shins, and I tell her I’ll drop him off on my way to work.
I make Ty take his cell-phone charger so his phone can be charged in case he needs to call me for anything. He says that he’ll keep it charged in case I need to call him for anything. We pack his bag, and I put in four changes of clothes, and he scowls at me and takes some of them out. I make sure he has his toothbrush (and toothpaste and floss and mouthwash and Children’s Tylenol and Band-Aids and tweezers). He stops me when I am packing a Tupperware dish filled with almond granola because I’ll be damned if he’ll go hungry because all they’re serving is a rack of lamb in pork sauce with a side of meatloaf. He takes me to the couch and has another talk with me. I sit with my hands in my lap and nod.
When he’s not looking, I pack the granola anyway.
“You going to be okay?” he asks as we pull out of our apartment parking lot. I glance in the rearview mirror and see how pale my face looks.
“Are you going to be okay?” I retort, not liking his amused expression.
“I’ll be fine, Papa Bear,” he says calmly. “But even if I decide to stay the whole night, can I still call you tonight before I go to bed?” I smile and say yes, and we both relax, and it’s not until later that I’ll realize he’s said that more for my benefit than his.
“What are you going to do tonight?” he asks me as we pull into his friend’s neighborhood. “You probably shouldn’t stay by yourself.”
I snort. “You kidding me?” I tell him. “It’s my first night without you hanging all over me. I’m gonna go out and party.”
He looks at me knowingly. “You should just go to Otter’s,” he says as he stares back out the window. “That way, I’ll know where you are and know that you’re okay.”
“That I’m okay?” I ask him bewildered. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
He’s silent for a moment, and I’m about to ask him again when he says, “I know you’ll be okay. But I know you’ll be more okay if you’re with Otter.” He looks at me again. “Does that make sense?”
I shake my head. “Explain it to me.” I honestly don’t know what’s going through his head. I know he can’t possibly know about… you know, us (i.e. whatever it is I’m doing with Otter), but I also know he’s more perceptive than anyone I’ve ever known. I’m curious to see what he’s picked up.
He sighs. “I made Otter promise me that he’ll take care of you,” he tells me. “Remember when we were at his house a couple of nights ago for a sleepover? That’s what I whispered to him.”
“Why’d you ask him that?” I say, opting not to tell him that I already knew.
“Because, Bear. You’ve taken care of me my whole life, practically, and I’m not big enough to take care of you yet. Otter is.”
I pull the car over in front of the Herrera house. I put the car in park and cup the back of the Kid’s head and press my forehead against his. He hums happily and plays with my fingers. “You’ve done a damn good job taking care of me,” I tell him quietly. “More than anyone in the world.”
He smiles at me. “I am trying,” he says seriously. “But Otter….” He stops.
“But Otter what?” I press gently.
He shrugs. “Otter makes you smile. I know I do too,” he says quickly, as I open my mouth to interject. “But you’ve been sad for a very long time, and I couldn’t figure out why, and then I knew.”
“And what did you know, Kid?”
He looks at me funny, like I shouldn’t even have to ask. “You were sad,” he says, “because Otter was gone. But now he’s back, and you’re not sad anymore. And that makes me hope that he’ll never leave again.”