“I am so bored,” Lorien declared, spinning on his heel and leaving the room for the betterment of all concerned.
“Captain Candy is out in the field at the moment, sir. We have a body cam feed if you'd like to see what she’s dealing with.”
“Of course.”
Mark opened his laptop, tapped a few buttons, and brought up the camera feed. It was one thing Maddox did marvel at, the innovation displayed by these temporary little creatures who built on one another’s concepts decades, even hundreds of years after the originators had passed.
Candy was at that moment facing down a vampire attempting to take an oblivious coed off the street. It was looming out of the shadows with what it probably thought was an alluring grin but looked more like a constipated rictus.
“Hey! You!” Candy’s voice rung out with strident authority.
The vampire ignored her, continuing to stalk its victim.
Candy got its attention by hitting it over the head with her baton. It didn’t do the vampire any harm, but it certainly got its attention.
“There’s no feeding in public!”
The vampire hissed and curled its upper lip with disdain. “Leave me be, petty human functionary!”
Candy rapped the vampire over his head with her baton again.
The creature hissed and snarled, glaring at her with war fury, a state some vampires fell prey to in their younger years. Much like humans, young vampires were essentially useless in every way that actually counted. They had all the instincts that would, when honed, make them terrifying predators, but they had no idea how to act on them effectively.
Candy was clearly not concerned in the slightest.
“Take another step toward me, and I’m going to garlic spray you, sir. I’ve heard it is quite painful.”
Maddox smiled to himself. Candy was quite the impressive woman.
The vampire hissed and showed a length of fang that frankly was not all that impressive. One of his fangs had been damaged already. Had to hurt like hell. The other was not broken, but barely extended longer than its human teeth already did.
“Go away, human, you have no jurisdiction here.”
“Actually, I do. That's what the whole uniform is supposed to indicate.”
“We need new blood. I have to feed, and I have to bring new life to the underworld!”
“This fuckin’ guy,” one of the Brooklyn contingent noted. Maddox agreed completely. This fuckin’ guy, indeed.
“You can’t make anybody. You don’t have the age,” Candy pointed out.
“Sometimes it works younger, if a vampire is of great power.”
“You’re not of great power, buddy. Judging by the looks of you, you’re no more than fifty, maybe fifty-five years old. Let me guess, you were a Woodstock baby.”
The vampire’s jaw dropped. “How did you know?”
“You look about twenty and you’re wearing a John Lennon t-shirt, and not ironically. You scream vampire, baby.”
“Huh. I thought the seventies were back?” The vampire plucked at his clothes, instantly concerned.
“Nothing ever comes back completely. We might think it does, but once it’s gone, it’s gone.”
“Sure. But…”
Candy started to vibrate. The unit watched her hold up a finger to the vampire and answer her phone.
“Hi baby, what’s going on? Yes, I know it's your turn, but your sister needs the car to get to her clarinet lessons. Yes. It is fair. We’ll talk about it when I get home. Yes, there’s cookie dough in the freezer. Did you eat the meatloaf I left in the fridge? No. You got pizza? Well, then you can’t have cookies as well. You need to eat what I make you, or why would I make it for you?”
The vampire was listening, a frown on its face. It could have made a swift escape and picked another target, but instead it chose to stay. Interesting. Could the understanding of zero hostility toward human law enforcement already be eroding?
“Listen, Carter, I’m at work. You can always call me if you need me, but this is not what I would call an emergency. No. It’s not. You can have an apple if you’re still hungry after your pizza. Yes. An apple. No. That’s not communism. Carter…”
Moving with swifter than human reflexes, the vampire plucked the phone from Candy’s hand and hissed into the base of it with real fury.
“Respect your mother, or I’ll rip your throat out.”
“Sorry,” it said, handing the phone back. “I cannot abide insolent young.”
There was a pause in which Captain Candy was clearly doing a cost benefit calculation on whether the trauma that had just been done to her offspring was worth it or not.
“Thank you. I think. Go find some willing humans. There are plenty at the Library.”
“Used to be,” the vampire said. “Library has been cleaned out.”
“That so?”
“Willing humans have been snatched up. It’s gotten tribal. We have to hunt, or we won’t survive.”
“Alright, well. I have some synthetic blood on me. That’ll get you through this dry spell. Then we can talk about what to do. Give me your contact details, and…”