“That’s how you gather useful intelligence while also keeping the peace and ensuring the safety of the public at large,” Maddox said, waving a hand to indicate he’d seen enough. Captain Candy always did a good job. She was warm when she needed to be and could ram a stake through the core of a rogue vamp soon as look at one if that was what was called for.
“Alright, good work everyone,” Maddox said. “We’ll meet again tomorrow, sooner if Candy indicates there’s anything we can act on. In the meantime, keep safe. It is bloody out there, and it’s only going to get bloodier.”
He saw the unit out and breathed a sigh of relief. The house always felt far too crowded when humans were in it. They left a scent in the air, sort of like hamburger meat. He was yearning to spend some time with Will. The boy needed more attention.
But it was not to be. Lorien came sweeping by with a broad grin which heralded a fresh batch of absolute nonsense.
“You're going to want to come with me,” he said, his green eyes glistening. “I’ve got a present for you in my room.”
“It’s late, Lorien. The sun will be rising in a matter of hours, you should be getting to rest.”
“And I will, but not before you see what I found behind the bins when I was taking out the garbage.”
That was another side effect of hosting humans. They needed to consume, and that consumption produced garbage which had to be disposed of. It was all very inconvenient. Mad was impressed that Lorien had actually done something approximating a chore, however. That was very unlike him.
He followed Lorien to his room, where he found himself cursing inwardly. “I have told you before, you are not allowed to capture humans.”
There was a beaten and bloodied human gagged with his own tie and tied up with his shoelaces lying on the floor.
“You know this one,” Lorien said, undeterred.
Maddox didn’t recognize the person at first. Last time he’d seen this individual, he’d been much less bloody, and his clothes had been intact rather than ripped to shreds. Lorien picked the unfortunate up and dangled him back and forth with precisely the same expression a cat has on its face when it is playing with a mouse.
“Oh. Lorien. No,” Maddox sighed as he recognized Lorien’s prey. It was Chauvelin, and he had obviously not come without a fight. “He’s an FBI agent.”
“Why is an FBI agent in our bins? Why am I calling them bins?” Lorien gasped. “Did I just turn British?”
“Put him down, Lorien.”
Lorien dropped the agent on the polished floor and stood over him dispassionately.
“Untie and un-gag him,” Maddox ordered.
“He was snooping around,” Lorien said. “I think he’s trying to investigate you for the… you know.”
“Yes. I know. Untie him. Now.”
“Assholes!” The word burst forth from Chauvelin as if it had been sitting there bottled up for hours.
“Agent Chauvelin, I do apologize. But when one lurks around the dwellings of known undead, one tends to suffer unpleasant consequences.”
“It is illegal for any vampire to feed from the unwilling. I could have you arrested for this.”
“You could, except I have not drunk from you, and nor has Lorien. You were mistaken for an intruder, owing to the fact you were skulking around in our refuse. I am going to give you a piece of advice, Chauvelin. Stay far from my home.”
“Is that a threat?”
“No. It’s not a threat. A threat would sound more like this: if you are found lurking around my home again, and heaven forbid, infiltrating it, you will find yourself exsanguinated, and your skin used to cover a chair. A small chair, but still.”
“Hey, is there any more of the toaster…” Will trailed off as he entered the room and saw Chauvelin there.
“Who is this?” Chauvelin asked the question all too eagerly.
William took one look at the agent and walked away.
“Who was that? He was human.”
“It’s not actually any of your business,” Maddox replied. “You have no warrant, and no cause that I can see for an active investigation. You’re stalking me, agent.”
“Wouldn’t that be ironic, a human stalking a vampire,” Chauvelin let out a strange and one might have even said, mad, giggle. “It’s usually the other way around.”
“Happens more than you might think. Humans become fascinated, and then, from their fascination, they become obsessed. It would not be wise to become obsessed with me.”
“Hm,” Chauvelin said, his dark eyes glittering with all sorts of bad ideas.
“Good night, agent,” Maddox said, escorting him to the door.
“Why didn’t you use your influence to chase him off?” Lorien frowned as Maddox shut the door behind the agent. “Why didn’t you question him? Why didn’t you tell him not to come around here anymore? Why didn’t you… do anything? You just let him go!”