I had to get back to Nashville and away from Cal as quickly as possible.
9
Cal
I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened last night. That sex was the most fucking amazing of my life, and that was after five years of pining over the last time we’d fucked. But the conversation… that was probably the worst of my life. Talk about a goddamn rollercoaster.
I regretted what was said, and I hated the way that we left things. I knew that we could work things out if we could talk without Maggie throwing up defensive walls constantly. Not that I didn’t deserve that. I had told her that it was a mistake, the first time, and I’d shut her down. Been condescending. She had every right to be angry with me now and to want to protect her child. And I was willing to tell her that—but I also couldn’t accept what she was offering. We would have to find a way to compromise.
After spending most of the night pacing or tossing and turning in my bed, I headed over to the Simpson house, rehearsing what I would say. I didn’t want there to be any misunderstandings and I didn’t want to regret any more of our conversations. I wanted to find a way to be a part of my child’s life. I wasn’t going to reject Fern. I wanted to be in it, properly.
Maggie didn’t answer the door, which I hadn’t expected anyway. I already had an excuse planned when Mark greeted me. “Should’ve known you’d come over for leftovers,” he said, grinning.
I forced a laugh. “The thought did cross my mind, but really I just wanted to ask Maggie something.” The lie was so rehearsed it slid easily off my tongue. “We talked yesterday about a gallery in Nashville and I wanted to pick her brain a little more.”
Mark’s face fell a little. “I’m sorry, but Maggie’s already left.” He sounded disappointed. “I’d be happy to give you her phone number, as well as a turkey sandwich.”
What the hell? It was only the day after Thanksgiving and she was gone? Anger and sadness seized me in equal measure. Sure, I hadn’t behaved the best those five years ago but she wasn’t even willing to keep herself, or her daughter, anywhere near me?
Looking back over the last five years, it suddenly didn’t seem so confusing or odd that I hadn’t ever seen Maggie. She must have been purposefully avoiding me all of this time, keeping herself, and Fern, away from me. How many things had I missed out on? How many times had I possibly just missed seeing her because she was trying to keep me at arm’s length?
“I’ll take both,” I told Mark, accepting the phone number and a sandwich. It was only polite that we chat for a bit, and I managed to find out that Mark and Violet were surprised to have Maggie leaving so early.
“Crack of dawn, she was up and packing,” Mark said, shaking his head. “Sometimes I don’t know what goes through that girl’s head.”
I knew, but I wasn’t going to tell him. Maggie must have come home from my place and started packing immediately. That hurt. I almost couldn’t blame her, but at the same time, it wasn’t like she was really giving me a chance to explain myself and make things better.
Well, I wasn’t about to let that stop me. I had a daughter and I was going to do right by her. I just needed time to prove that to Maggie.
Maybe… Hmm…
Fact was, I didn’t have to stay in the house I was currently living in. I could do my artwork from just about anywhere. And with a successful gallery opening that had literally just occurred, nobody would be expecting me to put out some new art for a while. It gave me some breathing room.
What if I went to Nashville? What if I moved there and showed Maggie that I was ready to make a commitment, to be a father to Fern?
And maybe… just maybe… I could be something to Maggie as well.
10
Maggie
It was only a week after Thanksgiving, but I was getting a jump on the Christmas shopping. I couldn’t exactly afford to spoil Fern the way that I wanted to but dammit, my baby girl wasn’t going to want for anything. Santa was going to surprise her with plenty of goodies this year.
Of course, I might have tried to grab everything from the car at the same time, and so now I was struggling to hold it all and get the door to my duplex open.
“Maggie, here.” Leo grabbed some of my bags. “Let me help you.”
Leo was my next-door neighbor. He was tall and handsome, and a good guy, and I could tell that he wanted to be more than just friends. He was always giving me these overtures that were just enough that they could become more than just friendly, but never truly crossed the line into flirtation. It was straddling that weird in-between space and honestly I hoped that he would straight-up ask me out so that I could turn him down officially. I was tired of having to be polite and come up with excuses so that he wouldn’t get the wrong idea about us.