“I know that now,” he reassured me. “You wanted to know if I spoke about Robyn at therapy, and I do. We speak about these things.”
“And Iona helps you come up with ways to divert the negative thoughts?”
“Aye. As soon as a thought like that comes to mind, I think of something good that happened between me and Robyn instead.”
“And it works?”
“I have to be aware a lot, which is a little wearing, but aye, it works, and it’s worth it.”
Silence fell over us, and I suddenly regretted taking him to that grim place. Trying to change the subject, I asked, “Do you ever miss all the traveling you used to do? With Lachlan?”
If the turn of conversation surprised Mac, he didn’t show it. Mind you, I couldn’t see his eyes behind his sexy sunglasses. The man looked like an ad for aftershave. All he needed to do was take off his T-shirt, go into the sea, and then emerge half-naked, brooding at the camera. I shook myself from the fantasy to hear his response.
“No. It was fine, but I started to long for a home base.”
“Do you miss Glasgow or Boston?”
He looked at me. “I missed my gran, and I missed Robyn. But not really either of the places.”
“What happened to your gran?”
“She passed away a few years after Robyn was born.”
“I’m sorry, Mackennon.”
He nodded. “She wasn’t perfect, but she tried harder than anyone else in my life when I was a kid. You’d think a teenage boy would hate being sent off to another country away from his friends, but I was grateful. To my uncle, too, even though he was reluctant to have me there. He paid for my flight.”
“Whatever happened to him?”
“He’s still in Boston. Perpetual bachelor. I check in with him every new year, but that’s about it. We never had an easy relationship. He keeps his distance from everyone.” Mac turned to me again, and I wished like hell I could see his eyes. “I used to worry that I’d end up like him.”
Reaching over, I covered his hand with mine. “That will never happen.” Then realizing that sounded like a promise for forever, a wee bit of stupid panic made me say, “No matter what happens with us.”
His shoulders seemed to hunch up, and he gave me a tight smile.
Fuck.
Why did I say that?
“I mean—”
“It’s okay, Arro.”
MAC
* * *
I knew she felt guilty and I pulled my hand from under hers, but only to hold it in mine, reassuring her.
Her answering hold was so tight, I grew concerned. “Arro?”
“I’m sorry I’m so messed up about all this,” she whispered.
“Hey.” I moved closer, nudging her with my shoulder. “Don’t apologize. Go at your own pace, darlin’. I’m happy to do that.”
We sat in tense silence for a while, watching the unusual calm of the water, a family who’d obviously come from Duncansby Head strolling down from the dunes, and the towering sea stacks that were believed to have stood for over six thousand years, slowly being eroded by the staggering force of the North Sea. I considered Arro’s footwear and whether a walk might break the tension.
Then Arro said, “Did you know I had a crush on you from almost the beginning?”