So no, I guess I’m not walking away. “If I do this, I want to go slow with her.”
“Kef me, Matty. If you go any slower she’s going to get gray hairs.” Adiron rolls his eyes. “Just do something, or we’re going to get back to Port and she’s going to turn her back and never look at your dumb ass ever again.”
CHAPTER 25
HELEN
Training in the gym with Adiron was fun, but after I broke Mathiras’s nose, I’m afraid to go in and do more workouts. I did promise not to touch a blaster without supervision, so I mope around the ship, cleaning up after Adiron. Mathiras said I didn’t have to, but it’s something to do. I desperately need something to keep me occupied.
Adiron sleeps during the day so he can cover Mathiras at night, and I’m not quite sure I want to look at Mathiras and his swollen nose, because it makes me feel guilty. So I wander the ship, bored and restless, trying to stay out of everyone’s hair. I eat my meals alone, straighten my room, fold my clothes, and I even start to sweep the hall…but then I see one of the sweeper bots coming out of its cubby and I feel guilty for taking its job. After that, I give up and just sit in the rec room, lounging on the couch and staring out at the stars, lost in thought.
Later that night, I hear footsteps down the hall and then a gentle knock at the rec room door. Before I even turn around, I know it’s Mathiras. His faint, pleasant scent drifts into the room. “Knock knock,” he says in a quiet voice.
Oh, a knock knock joke. Ruth taught me those. I turn around, beaming. “Who’s there?”
A confused look crosses his face. He turns and looks behind him and then back at me. “It’s me, Helen. Mathiras.”
Now I’m confused. “I know. I say ‘Who’s there,’ and then you say something like ‘Orange.’ And then I say ‘Orange who?’ and you say ‘Orange you glad I’m here.’” At his continuingly puzzled expression, I explain, “It’s a joke.”
“But…it’s not funny.”
“I know, but it always made Ruth smile.” I shrug. “Maybe she’s weird.”
He takes a few steps inside the rec room and then pauses, as if he’s afraid to get too close to me. The swelling in his nose has gone down, at least. Now he’s back to his normal handsome self…even though he was still pretty handsome with a swollen nose. “You ready for bed?”
I get up, a little frustrated. “I didn’t do anything all day. It feels weird to sit here and then turn around and go to sleep.”
“Oh.” He scratches at the back of his head. “So…you don’t want to go to sleep?”
Why is he being so strange and awkward? “I’ll sleep,” I tell him. “I’m just not all that tired. But I’m happy to cuddle!”
Mathiras’s mouth twitches at that, and he looks like his normal self once more. “We should be at Haal Ui Station at some point tomorrow. After that, if you’re bored, you’re welcome to join me on the bridge. I can show you how to run a few diagnostics. Maybe how to check comms or something.”
He’s offering to show me how to be a part of the crew? My heart feels as if it’s swelling in my chest, I’m so happy. Beaming, I bounce to my feet and race across the room toward him. I know Mathiras doesn’t unbend easily and so him offering to teach me how to help out is a show of trust. I fling my arms around him and hug him tightly. “I’d love that!”
He stiffens against me, hesitant, and then hugs me back. “Let’s get things settled at Haal Ui first, though. It might not even be necessary. We might find the information we’re looking for and finish our task early.”
“Sure, sure,” I tell him happily, squeezing. My cheek is pressed to his uniform and his arms are around me. I’ve never felt so giddy.
Mathiras is quiet as we head to bed, but it’s not a bad sort of quiet. I can tell when he’s worried about something or troubled. This is a different sort of silence, like he’s got a lot on his mind but none of it is worrying stuff. His posture is calm, the swish of his tail easy, and he keeps a hand on the small of my back as we walk together.
“Pants,” he reminds me as I head to my room to change into my sleeping gear.
“I won’t forget!” I don’t want to do anything that’ll jeopardize tonight. I just want to hold him and bask in my happiness as I drift off to sleep.
I return a few minutes later in my sleep tunic and a pair of soft pants to find that Mathiras is already in bed. His hands are behind his head, his expression thoughtful as he gazes up at the ceiling. The blankets are mid-chest and I’m pleased to see he’s not wearing a tunic. I’d feel terrible if he armored up against me. I know how his mind works, though, so I don’t ask for permission to get into bed with him. I just head straight for the side of the mattress and climb over him to get to “my” side against the wall. I slide under the blankets and immediately put my feet on his leg, because he’s always warm.