“I doubt he’ll risk his career by having a divorce early on, and entering a marriage and hoping for a quick divorce is not a good option. And Santino will probably be married by then as well.”
The thought of Santino marrying someone cut me. Of course, I wanted him to be happy but losing him to another woman was incredibly painful. Still, I couldn’t keep holding him back. That wouldn’t be fair toward him.
Sofia sighed. “Think about it. Don’t rush into things because of a wrong understanding of duty. Your parents would understand.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You really think my parents would be understanding when I told them Santino and I have been getting it on for years behind their backs?”
Sofia let out a choked laugh. “They’ll probably be a bit angry, especially toward Santino.”
“I’m not sure I want to risk it all. Who says Santino and I would even be happy if we could be together? There’s no guarantee. It would be selfish of me to risk a huge scandal for the small chance that Santino and I are meant to be.”
Sofia shrugged, still not convinced. “Maybe then your feelings for him really aren’t strong enough and it’s for the best if you give him the chance to move on, so you too can move on with Clifford.”
Santino stayed in the car in front of the store when I went to my first appointment in the bridal store with Mom, Sofia, and Luisa. Only Sofia’s bodyguard joined us inside because Danilo was always particularly vigilant.
“I thought you’d design your own dress,” Sofia said when I browsed through the dresses on display.
I’d always thought so too, but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t feel inspired in the slightest.
Mom joined me and motioned at a beautiful classic dress with lace. “I think you’d look beautiful in this.”
It was actually one of my favorites from the dresses I’d seen so far.
“I’ll try it on.”
Thirty minutes later we emerged from the bridal store, and I’d chosen the dress Mom had suggested. It was beautiful, elegant, and made me feel beautiful.
The vendor had asked me “If I felt the dress.”
I wasn’t sure what she meant. It was pretty and would make people admire me. But was I overwhelmed by feelings when I put it on?
No. Not that I’d expected it. This wedding wasn’t about emotions, and I’d long given up hope that it could be.
Santino and I never talked about the wedding gown or the wedding. Since our last argument, we’d ignored the matter altogether, but even our sexual encounters had become few and far between. This felt like a drawn-out break-up that was hurting us both.
I went to my last appointment in the store alone. This was my second to last fitting, and I just didn’t feel like sharing it with Mom or anyone else. I hated when everyone looked at my face and expected to see something that wouldn’t be there.
Santino waited in the front of the store. The fitting took place in a separate changing room in the back.
When the vendor had helped me put the dress on, I asked her to leave me for a bit. I couldn’t stand her constant chattering. I knew she meant well, and would probably be just what an excited, happy bride needed but I wanted quiet.
I stared at myself in the mirror in the changing room. The seamstress had done a marvelous job. The dress fit me perfectly. I smoothed my fingers over the corset part. I tried to imagine myself going down the aisle toward Clifford that day, but my mind always changed the man waiting at the front to Santino. I hated my brain for playing with me like that.
I could hear heavy steps.
The door swung open and Santino stepped into the changing room. He and I both froze. His eyes took me in from head to toe.
“You’re not supposed to see me,” I snapped as he closed the door behind his back, closing us in.
He raised one sardonic eyebrow. “I’m not the bridegroom.”
“Right.” I shrugged. My throat became tight. A feeling I wanted to get rid as soon as possible. “Still. I want this to be a surprise for everyone on my wedding day.”
His eyes consumed me in a way that made me feel impossibly hot. “You look beautiful but you should have designed your dress. You’re far too talented to wear someone else’s design.”
Surprise washed over me. This was the nicest thing Santino had said to me in weeks and it hit me right in the feels. I was still self-conscious about my fashion designs, especially something as important as a wedding dress.
“It would have taken too much time. And I don’t think Clifford would have noticed the difference.”
He leaned against the door and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I would. Your designs always have a special touch. Sophisticated sexiness.”