Patricia nods. “I think that the attack was caused because of your attachment to the kids, it’s something seen in new mothers, quite often. They worry when their kid gets too far away from them, because they don’t believe everyone else will take as good care and keep the kids safe. It’s perfectly normal. And the first step was actually letting your neighbor, Chase, take her away. Most mothers can’t even do that.”
I shake my head, her words making sense. “I know I barely know them, but from what I’ve seen of how Chase and Nathan are with the kids, they’re really good with them. They’ve never actually taken them away from directly in front of me,” I say, only confirming Patricia’s words. She gives me a smile as the realization dawns on me. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” she smiles and picks her pen and paper back up. I watch as she scribbles on the paper and when her eyes lift to find me anxiously watching her, she lays it back down. “Ivy, what I want for you to do is start taking the kids to more public places, like the park, it doesn’t have to be crowded, actually I’d prefer it not be to start, and let them loose and let them play, even Lilly. You can keep an eye on them, but it’ll start to prepare you for them being away from you and not under your care at all times.”
“I’ve been leaving them with a babysitter when I come here.” I don’t mention that I’d vetted the hell out of the woman before picking her and I call a million times between the trip here and home to check on the kids.
“They’re away from me at the house a lot,” I go on. “Tanner is often in his room or the living room and Lilly sleeps a lot so she’s usually in her room and sometimes I let her stay with Tanner when they’re playing with toys and I need to step away for a shower or something.”
“Yes, but that’s not the same. They’re in your home where you feel a sense of protection. You need to get out of your comfort zone. Tanner returns to school soon and I fear that you’ll have a hard time with him being away if you don’t start to loosen the chain. And Lilly will start at the new daycare, yes?” she questions.
“Yea.” My fingers start to fidget. “Their reviews say they’re good with the kids and teaching them.” It was one of the reasons I picked it, in hopes that they can start helping Lilly enhance her motor and speaking skills.
Patricia nods. “Good. You’re going to start having to take more time for yourself.” Her words mirror Grandma’s. “You may be a mother now, but you’re still a human and you need an identity that isn’t entirely wrapped in the kids. You can’t lose yourself.” She studies me carefully. “I’ve known you for a long time, Ivy, and while I’m proud of how you’ve matured so quickly for the kids, I’m starting to think that you’re losing sight of who you are.”
“The woman that used to come into my office may have had some negative habits, but she was a confident woman who was secure in who she was. She certainly would have never let herself be bothered by things such as other moms turning their nose up at her. She wouldn’t worry about how you may not have as much as the people you surround yourself with.” I open my mouth to argue but she holds up a hand, cutting me off. “The way you described meeting your other neighbors, how you mentioned their clothing and how nervous you felt around them, think about it, Ivy.”
I purse my lips but I do as she says. I see the polo shirts and sundresses, the way that most of the couples were married and how their kids all seemed put together. With a sigh, I nod, knowing she’s right. I’d felt so out of place and just…. less, when I was around the group.
“Have you worked on any art recently?”
I shake my head. “Haven’t had the time.”
She offers me a soft smile. “Make time. I miss the girl with paint on her jeans.”