I pull him to me and I’m met with no resistance before I feel his shoulders start to shake. My eyes begin to burn and the next thing I know, tears are flowing and we’re both bawling in the middle of the driveway, our bags long forgotten.
“I miss them,” Tanner says again, just barely managing to get the words out.
“I know.” Tears stream down my face as I gasp out a breath.
How do I get us through this?
I’d thought we both had processed the death of his parents but if that were true we wouldn’t be standing here like this now unable to stop the flow of tears.
“Hey, hey, are you guys okay?”
I look up through bleary eyes to see Chase standing in front of me. He’s in his uniform and as he looks at us in worry, his hand is on the walkie talkie at his hip, prepared to call in an emergency. It makes me cry harder which of course makes Tanner crying worse.
Chase just watches on and I can tell he’s lost and doesn’t know what to do to help despite wanting to.
“Why don’t we get you guys inside?” He finally settles on saying, reaching out a hesitant hand to place it on the small of my back.
My eyes go to the bags still filling my car. “We have to unload,” I manage to get out.
Chase shakes his head before gently guiding me to start walking. “Don’t worry about it.”.
As Chase guides me in the direction of the house, I hold onto Tanner. Chase walks us to the living room and gestures for us to sit down on the couch. We sit and Tanner curls up against my side. After a couple of minutes, his sobs start to wean off before I hear the soft sounds of his snoring.
I wipe at the tears on my face, trying to pull myself together.
The sound of the front door closing grabs my attention and I wipe away the last few tears. I stand and run my hands down the front of my jeans. I know the small amount of mascara I put on this morning has to be running down my face.
My one attempt at trying to look somewhat human gone down the drain.
Still, I can’t even manage to make myself feel anything about it. My chest hurts and my head is throbbing. I look at Tanner, the dried up tears leaving streaks down his face.
My heart hurts more than anything else.
I give my face one more swipe before moving into the kitchen. My lips fall apart slightly as I watch Chase place all the newly bought groceries in my refrigerator neatly. It isn’t too hard since there wasn’t anything else in the fridge anyway but it still shocks me slightly and I can’t do anything but watch him in silence.
“You want the eggs in the fridge or left out?” His back is to me but I’m not surprised that he knows I’m behind him.
He is a cop after all, being aware of his surroundings is part of the job.
“People leave their eggs out?” I ask dumbly and I wince at the slight strain in my words.
Chase finally turns at that and he leans his arms on the island as he looks across at me. “Yeah, my Uncle Rico leaves his eggs out. My ma hates it and they always end up in arguments when she goes to his house and sticks them all in the fridge.” He offers me a light smile though it isn’t quite full.
I press my lips together, the intensity of his gaze on me making my fingers fidget slightly. “The fridge, please,” I say before moving over to one of the drawers and grabbing a sucker from it. Chase’s eyes follow my every movement.
I rip the wrapper off and plop the blue raspberry sucker in my mouth.
“I know it may not be any of my business, but do you want to tell me what I just walked in on? I’m a little worried.” His eyes hold nothing but genuine concern.
I look at him and debate on what to say. Finally I settle on, “Don’t you need to be at work,” I give his uniform a pointed look.
He shakes his head, “No, my shift just ended, actually.” He turns briefly to put the eggs in the fridge before closing it shut. All of the groceries are now put away. He turns back to me. “So I’m all ears.”
My cheeks heat and my heart kicks up a quick rhythm.
What do I say? How do I explain what just happened when I’m not sure I even understand it?
His eyes hold mine and there isn’t a lick of judgement in them.