I move away from Richard, my shoulders tight. "Stop it, Richard. You should have never brought me up to them if you were really concerned about me. But I know you probably jumped at the idea of trading me off for your drug debt."
And still coherent enough to know that I would go along with this. Because no matter how pissed off and upset I am with my brother, no matter how much I hate him right now, I still want to rescue him.
He'd rescued me for so many years, trying to keep me away from the harsh reality of the monsters that our parents were. He'd put himself on the line for me so many times. He'd staved off as much of the abuse as he could: physical, emotional, and... sexual.
It's the reason he turned to drugs in the first place, to try to forget what happened.
And it's why despite all my big talk, I'll forever feel indebted to him.
I stop walking, staring at my reflection in the window of my beat-up car. My curls hang to my shoulders, a cover I’ve always used to try to hide from the world. My brown eyes are dull, much too tired to have only been open for twenty years. Looking at my plump lips, one could never tell how many times they’ve been busted. I touch the small scar at the corner of my right brow, from one of the times my father’s temper nearly cost me my life. I turn away, not wanting to look at myself anymore, the sheer pain of my life written in my features too hard to bear.
And yet I can't force myself to look at Richard either, keeping myself angled slightly away from the man. He's done with his theatrical performance now, or at least I can't hear it anymore. I blow out a deep breath, watching a cloud of smoke form in front of me before disappearing as quickly as it appears.
And why do I feel like I'm soon going to be that cloud of smoke. Disappearing before anyone even noticed my presence.
My eyes burn, but I push the treacherous emotions back. I can't allow myself to feel, if I do, I'll never recover.
"This is the last time, Richard. I can't get you out of trouble again after this." The words are not only hollow, but a flat out lie.
"I know, Winny, I promise I'm going to get myself clean after this." Footsteps sound behind me and Richard's voice draws closer. "When they let you go, I'm going to be a whole new person, and I'm going to get us away from here."
I don't let myself feel any hope at the words. My brother won't be clean in a year. Like me, he'll be barely alive, or already dead.
I spin around, my gaze hard, as I shove my hands into the pockets of my thick jacket. The harsh lines of my brother's face make him look twice his age, his black hair unruly. "Let them know that I'll be ready the first day of winter and not a moment before."
He nods his head. "Thank you, Win."
He reaches out for me, but I jerk away from him, ignoring the hurt in his eyes. "Don't thank me, Richard, I just signed my death certificate." I turn my back on him again, moving to my car. This time I don't even glance at my reflection. "Don't approach me until the day of," I tell my brother sharply before sliding in my door and slamming my door shut.
My heart goes wild in my chest as the engine of my car roars. I don't look at my brother as I drive past him. If I do, then what I just agreed to will become even more real than it already was.
Because the first day of winter, the Costa family will come for me, and they'll own me mind, body, and soul for one full year.
I'll be lucky if I even survive them until the end of the season.
Despite my best efforts, a single tear runs down my cheek, hot and slow.
I've always hated winter.