She shook her head. “Oh…gross. I’m sorry, that wasn’t what I—”
“Don’t apologize, cara mia.” He smiled, and it was so off considering the situation. He hadn’t been in full charm mode thirty seconds ago and now he looked… There was something haunted in his eyes and she didn’t like it. But it was gone almost as soon as she identified it. “A joke. I get it.”
“Great,” she said.
“And of course I’ll go to the wedding with you. There’s no work I can’t do remotely so it won’t mess with anything on that score.”
“Great.”
“We will have to share a room, you know that, of course?”
“Maybe they’ll just think we’re old-fashioned and sleep separately?”
He gave her a hard look. “I doubt it. But won’t there be more than one bedroom in the suite?”
She winced. “Well, no. Because all the suites were booked.”
“What?”
“I mean, I still have a suite, but it’s this big, one room sort of thing. All open.”
“And how did that come to pass?”
“I went to book the best room, then felt like a jerk because the bride and groom should have the best room. So I got the Royal Suite for Dana and Josh. But then I thought her parents and his parents needed nice rooms, so I booked the town house suites for the families.”
He let out a long breath. “And let me guess, the bridal party needed rooms, too.”
“Well. Yes.”
“You’re generous to your own detriment, cara. But in advance, I’ll tell you I’ll be sleeping on the couch.”
Ferro watched the color in Julia’s cheeks darken. She was still mortified from her previous gaffe regarding leaving the money on the dresser, he could tell. She was the rare person not quite jaded enough by failure or success. Things still affected her, and in spite of her armor, her emotions were still visible. But he wasn’t going to comfort her. It wasn’t his job to make her feel all right about herself. He shouldn’t feel compelled to tell her it was all right.
She doesn’t know about your past.
No, she didn’t. But it didn’t matter if she did.
A twinge in his chest called that a lie. He did care. He didn’t like people thinking he’d manipulated women out of their fortune by seduction. But the truth was worse. The truth that he wasn’t the one doing the manipulating.
Still, her little joke was cutting a bit too close to the past. They were trading, not sexual favors, but they were walking a fine line. The kiss had proven that. She had been affected by it, he could tell. He hadn’t been. She had been interesting to kiss. Inexpert and clumsy, enthusiastic in a way he’d never experienced before.
But in truth, it had been just like the times in his past. Times when he’d had to do things to survive, whether he wanted to or not. When he’d had to use the only asset he’d possessed to get ahead. To survive.
He’d been smart, but mainly uneducated. A hard worker, but not able to get jobs that would truly advance him.
Then he’d met Claudia. And everything had changed.
You want to make money, caro, you use what you have. Why be hungry when you have something people will buy? A nice body. Women will pay to use you, and you will be rich.
No mention of the cut she’d taken, but in the end, she was right. He had gotten rich. Though, mainly through investing the money he earned.
But in order to do a job like that he’d had to learn how to detach his mind from his body. A perfect division of the two. It was the only way to feel okay. To survive it. Otherwise…otherwise the shame was crippling. So he’d built walls around himself. Now it was like second nature. He flipped it on and off like a switch. He’d been a casual observer to the kiss with Julia and she had clearly been an active participant.
Again, not unusual for him, but it left a bad taste in his mouth.
This was why he avoided relationships. Why he avoided women. Because as skilled as he was at separating mind from body, he couldn’t put them back together now. It was all a transaction. All about him giving, then taking payment. It was all he understood, and he was burned out on it.