Twelve years on and it still made his skin feel like it was coated in dirt. Still made him feel like his body belonged to other people. Like he was a product, waiting to be used for the buyer’s pleasure. He still felt that his past clients owned little pieces of him. Like he’d been torn apart and parceled off.
But not his mind. They had nothing of his mind. Only his body.
He didn’t want to go back to that. Didn’t want to spend any time reliving it. Which was why it was better to simply let go of physical pleasure. He didn’t know how to handle it all in the right way anyway. It wasn’t the same for him.
But Julia was a woman. A normal woman, who was not unaffected by his touch and that meant he had to be careful. He wasn’t going to use her body against her. He was determined not to do that, no matter what.
There were depths he would not sink to. He would use her, but only so far as she used him. But in terms of sexual desire they were on two different playing fields, and he would never, ever do to her what had been done to him.
He would never use her body to his own ends. Because he could. It would be so very easy…
“Well, that’s a relief. And also, gentlemanly to give me the bed.”
“I assume you’re paying for the room.”
“But you’re my date,” she said.
“I’m Guest. You’re the name on the invitation. And you footing the bill is the only thing giving you a preferential sleeping position, so if you want me to pay…”
“I’m pretty sure I can afford it, Ferro, or did you not see that I’m the richest woman in the world.”
“I did, it was an interesting article.”
“Well, I can afford a hotel room. And I want the bed.”
“I can afford one, too.”
“Yeah, yeah, I read your article, too. And hey, you were reading about me?” The expression on her face was funny, a mix of delight and insecurity. Julia was a savvy businesswoman, no question, but there was something beneath it, too. Something that seemed to shine through the armor sometimes. A glimpse at someone young, easily excited and bursting with dreams.
He wondered why she covered that part of herself up in black and leather. Why she tried to pretend she was blasé and unaffected when she was clearly anything but. He wondered why she’d put on her armor in the first place.
“I was reading the article, it turned out you were the star.”
“Yeah, I’ve done all right for myself. We’ve done all right for ourselves.” That made his stomach feel odd.
“We have.”
“So, I’m going to go and get back to my desk and my assistant that does not treat me like the dirt on the bottom of his shoes. Will you need me for anything else this week?”
“I shouldn’t. We don’t need the business proposal in for another two weeks.”
“Great, then I’ll spend the week getting everything in order for me to be gone for a few days. And I’ll uh…see you at the wedding.”
She turned and walked out of the office, her strides long and purposeful, the flick of her long blond hair leaving a cloud of lavender behind.
Any normal man would surely be plotting to seduce her over the weekend. He imagined if she had brought another date, she would have been seduced.
Instead she was bringing him. And seduction was not on his agenda. He was far too familiar with it, and it had left a bad taste in his mouth that lingered years after the fact.
This was all about business. And he no longer had to use his body for the sake of business. Now it was just a matter of chipping away at his soul, when the occasion demanded. Lucky for him, he was so accustomed to it that it barely hurt anymore.
No, he’d managed to find ways to block all that out. And now, even when he wanted to feel something, all that remained was a dark, empty void. He had removed his pain, along with everything good.
He looked around his office, at the pristine, glimmering room that was evidence of all he had achieved. The trade, in his estimation, had been worth it.
CHAPTER SIX
IT WAS OFFICIAL, her Alaska outfit was kick-ass. Which was good, because she needed a little of that to get her through dealing with a long weekend of Ferro in a hotel room. Gulp.