I couldn’t say anything else.
She studied my face. Her hips rocked of their own accord, believing I wanted her to fuck me when I wanted her to rip herself away and run.
Run!
She moved faster, deeper, plummeting me quicker and quicker into hell.
“Are you okay?” Her pussy clenched around me, keeping me with her while I tumbled and tangled. Her concern was treacherous, her willingness to be my addiction beyond precarious.
No, I wasn’t okay.
I was fucking terrified.
This was what I feared.
My history. My weakness.
A curse had been placed on me from birth, and staring into her sweet, expressive eyes, I knew I couldn’t let it take me again. I paid homage to it when I played the cello. I shook its hand when I practiced martial arts. I would be forever joined with this hard taskmaster, but I never wanted to be its bitch again.
“Pim, get off me.”
The servitude of it ate away at me faster and faster.
“What?” Her body shifted, revealing the tiniest bit of agitation.
My eyes locked on the shadows of her stomach muscles and the globes of her breasts. Language wasn’t going to be my saving grace tonight. Actions were.
Actions I’d tried to fight and lost.
Actions that would solidify everything I’d tried to run from.
I gave up.
My hips shot upward, filling her full, making us both grunt in harmony. And then I flipped her sideways with a move long since mastered from fighting. The moment she was on her side, I rolled again and pinned her beneath me.
The ropes on my wrists tightened. My circulation compromised. But I didn’t care. I no longer cared about anything but her.
Her!
With my arms crossed and bound, all I needed was to rut into this woman, feed the orgasm desperate for release, and end this. I no longer needed substance or light or air. I was no longer human with multiple concerns and responsibilities.
I was hers.
She was mine.
The simplicity of it took my breath away.
My lips slammed down on hers in apology. She’d traded Alrik for me, and I could no longer tell which one of us would be worst. My body locked tight with her legs spread and my cock deep inside her.
I should ask how she was. If she was still with me and not back in her past. But she’d pushed me too far, and I no longer had the capacity to care.
All I cared about was what the disease told me to care about.
And right now, that was ridding the heavy pulsation at the base of my spine. Coming until I couldn’t come anymore. I was itchy for the conclusion and empty at the thought of it. I needed to finish but was ravenous to start again and again.
There would be no rest now.
Once I came, I’d start the cycle all over again with no reprieve. That was how it was for me. I was never satisfied. Never sated. Always chasing something to make the crawling in my blood go away.
I could never say I’d mastered something because I never reached perfection.
Pim would be my instrument of finding that perfection.
We would never be apart. I would forever be inside her because that was the only place that made sense anymore.
“I’m sorry.” The words were acid on my tongue. I buried my face into her neck and drove harder.
She jerked beneath me, her fingers scratching my back. “Elder—”
I didn’t know if it was a beg for me to stop or a moan to keep going. Either way, it didn’t make a difference.
I bit her throat as if I hated her when the opposite was true. I held her with my teeth, fighting the need to consume her while holding her with a warning to let me do this. That there was no other way now. I was hard. I was inside her. It was over.
My mind became hypnotised on the countless ways I could take her. Instead of being excited at the thought of sleeping with this wonderful woman for the rest of my days, I wanted to scream at the moon and beg for mercy. To give me a bullet. Euthanize me. End me.
It was the best thing.
For both of us.
I couldn’t live with this sickness again. I couldn’t be so one tracked with no way free.
It was debilitating. Taxing and tiring and wrong.
Wrong? What the fuck are you talking about? It’s amazing.
I plunged inside her again and again.
See? So good.
My thrusts were so forceful she inched up the bed beneath me. I moved with her until my knuckles nudged the knots she’d tied me with.
She likes it, too. And who cares if she doesn’t?
Her struggle beneath me echoed in my ears. Her heart flurried in her chest sandwiched so tight to mine. She was so breakable. She was just bone and breath and belief that I was different. That I would protect her and not hurt her like I was doing now.