I don’t know. All I want to do is climb into the shower with Holden.
Drag him to the couch.
Or my bed.
The pool.
Anywhere. Everywhere.
“Yeah. We’re already late. So you should get dressed. Pack snacks, sunscreen, cash.” He picks up the mug. Takes another sip. “Should probably make another chai.”
“You’re stealing mine?” My eyes meet his.
He nods yeah. “I need the taste of it on my lips.”
“Oh.” My chest heaves with my inhale.
“Need to savor every drop.” He holds my gaze for a moment, then he turns, moves up the stairs.
Luna watches, slack-jawed and wide eyed. “Oh my God.”
“What?” I take another bite. Chew. Swallow.
“You fucked him.”
I clear my throat.
“You fucked him and you didn’t tell me.”
“I, uh… I am going to make more tea. But English Breakfast. You want some?”
“Fuck no. I want details.”
“Tea first.” I stand. Move into the kitchen. Fill the kettle.
She follows me into the space. “He wants the taste on his lips?”
“I, uh…”
“He wants to eat you out.”
“That, uh…”
“Oh my God, Daisy…” She presses her palms into the counter. “That was so hot.”
“Yeah?”
“Like he was about to fuck you right there, in front of me.”
“You think so?” My stomach flutters at the thought. I like Holden. And I want him. A lot. All the time.
She nods hell yeah. “He’s really into you.”
My teeth sink into my lip. “It’s just… we’re just…”
“Did he?”
“Huh?” I rise to my tiptoes to grab my tin of English breakfast.
“Eat you out?”
“Oh.” My blush deepens. I try to push it aside. Focus on scooping tea into my strainer ball. “No. But he, uh…”
“Did he make sure you were ready?”
“Yeah.” My chest warms at the memory of his touch. The weight of his body. The pressure of his hands. The softness of his lips. “He was insistent.”
She nods go on.
“I kinda… invited him to skinny dip. Then took off my dress.”
Her eyes go wide.
“I was a little drunk.” Maybe a medium amount drunk. But I was lucid. I knew what I was doing. I just wasn’t as afraid as I normally am.
“You came on to him?”
I nod.
“Damn.” Her eyes go wide. “I didn’t think you had it in you.” She moves closer. Pulls me into a tight hug. “I’m proud of you.”
“For fucking a guy?”
“For all of it.” She squeezes me. “You’re all grown up.”
“Oh my God.”
She laughs. “A confident minx.”
I shake my head.
Her laugh gets louder. “You’re getting there.”
“More than yesterday.”
She claps her hands together hell yes. She moves closer. Close enough to whisper. “How was it?”
“The sex or the stripping?”
“All of it.” She releases me. Stays close enough to whisper. “Was it okay? Him seeing you? Or did you get—”
“I didn’t.”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t know, Luna. I can’t explain it. Maybe it was all the rum. I was scared. And I needed him to see me. To see me and want me and think I was enough—”
“You are.”
“I know.”
“Even if you were bigger, you’d be enough.”
I swallow hard. “I…” Want to believe that. That I’ll love myself no matter what my body looks like. That I’ll accept gaining weight without blinking an eye. That it won’t send me spiraling back to full-blown obsession.
“It’s so fucked up. I’m telling you that. And I believe it about you. I love you, Daisy. I’d die if something happened to you. Really. You’re my favorite person in the world.”
“The entire world?”
She nods yeah. “I hate that we’re not going to be in the same space anymore.”
“At least we’re not that far apart.”
“Only half the state of California.”
“At least it’s not a long state.” Only the longest state in the country.
“Not at all.” Her smile is sad. “I hate that everything is changing. I’m excited too. And terrified. I just… don’t show it.”
“I know.”
She nods. “I want you to have this… if you want to spend the week with Holden, don’t let me stop you.”
“I want to spend it with you too.”
“Good.” Her smile is soft. “It really is fucked up, because I’m saying all that shit to you, trying to believe it. And I do believe it about you. That you’d be worthy no matter what you looked like. Even if you were completely hideous.”
“Hey.”
“I know you don’t realize you’re gorgeous yet, but it’s going to change when you get to school. You’re going to need a baseball bat to keep guys away.”
“Not as much as you.”
“I don’t know.” She motions to her light hair. “Guys assume I’m a slut. That I’ll blow them if they ask nicely. Maybe I need to cut it shorter. Give off more of a don’t fuck with me, asshole vibe.”
“Would you not?” I tease.
She chuckles. “What do I get out of it?”
“You don’t… enjoy that.”
“You haven’t?” She motions to the upstairs. The shower is running. But only one of them.
Luna holds up her finger one second. She moves to the table, grabs her phone, pairs it with the Bluetooth speaker.